100: The Complete and Utter Failure

Thank you to those of you who kept asking me about my push ups and doing their part to keep me accountable: the Hubbs, Jonathan Walker,and mom. To the rest of you, thanks for making wagers on my failure. But who am I to be angry, I didn't exactly work all that hard, in fact, I failed miserably. I gave up after several weeks of consistent effort with little gain to show for it. My disgust with myself is not that I failed to reach 100 push-ups, but that I quit so easily. That makes me a quitter, and I'm not a quitter. I'm not. This revealed to me much about myself, though. It brought to light my inability to push myself when something is difficult, it brought to light how weak my resolve often is, and (duh!) what a lousy wimp I am. Now, I'm not fishing for your compliments or sympathy here, so just keep those mum. I'm simply saying that I've got some problems and this demonstrates that. Thank you to those who kept reading and were following my story. I am truly sorry to let you down so. I have other things to blog here, but I thought that I should write the concluding chapter of this sad saga.

Oh, and Lars was gracious in administering his punishment. After telling me that he knew I was going to fail, he said that I have to take that $100 and take a female of my choice out to dinner. If this is torture, chain me to the wall... ;)

Back Home

What to say after so long a silence? Much has happened this last semester that has not been told, some of it will probably remain so. Much has taken place and I have changed greatly. I have tasted the bitterness of goodbyes, longing for a heaven where I never have to say 'goodbye' again. I have made deep and lasting friendships in my four years at Hillsdale that were extremely difficult to leave. I dreaded leaving and had no idea how to face departing. I wanted so desperately to hold on to every moment but they kept slipping by until every last one was gone, my friends went home, and I was left lingering in Michigan as I wondered at all that God might be purposing for me. I am part of a body there that I will no longer be able to closely fellowhip with. So many families took me in and were kind to me at my church there, and I love my pastors there so very much.

That God is purposing much for me I know, because the work that He has been accomplishing in me He has been working on for some time now, and has prepared me for the changes that are beginning to bear fruit.

I have been so busy at school that, perhaps ironically, I have had no time to think. And I must think. I must take time to let the dust settle and wait patiently upon the Lord for guidance. He works on behalf of those who wait for Him (Isaiah 64:4), and so I will wait. I need time to think, and time to write. To read, to pray, to store up scriptures in my heart so that the Holy Spirit may prompt me with them and give me strength through them. I need time to seek His guidance for the future, and so though I am home, I will remain aloof for these first six months, living with and serving my family. This may be a selfish decision, I will not be very social during this time, but I must take time to orient my life properly.

I will be doing a good deal of thinking and I hope to post weekly on this blog. Thank you to all who read it. I am sorry that I have left you all for so long. I am back now.